From oneness :
"When you permit yourself the luxury of openly, unabashedly, fantasizing about what it is you truly yearn for, and dream of, you set into motion the energetic parameters for manifesting your heart's desire.  Until you give free expression to the limitless vision you keep under wraps, you cannot, by definition, create it in your reality."

I think I've found the bug in my program.  It's the "openly, unabashedly" part that I've been missing.  A lifetime of "there's not enough" and "don't ask because you won't get it" makes it really difficult to really and truly conceive of manifesting my deepest heart's desire.  Makes me want to cry. 

I'm thinking, this time I'm finally breaking through that wall.  Let go let God.  Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths.  Another line … "This level of surrender is achieved when one stands on the very edge of one's gravest fear and knows, in that moment, that there is nothing to fear."

deep, full, calming breaths …….

with deep gratitude – kvk